I used to run, and it's something that I've always enjoyed. I ran track through CYO in junior high, but that's not truly the running I enjoyed. What I enjoyed was my time running in college. I attended a large school in a beautiful rural setting. I often would come home from classes or the practice room (I majored in piano performance), and I'd take some time to go running on a trail behind my apartment complex. On days when I wasn't up to running, I would at least take a walk. I coupled that with 20 minute pilates sessions, which I truly feel helped with my body's strength and tone.So what has changed?
The last 6 and a half years have been wrought with chronic medical problems for me. It all started with a chronic migraine that I've had since 2001, but I'm not going to focus on that now. In 2004, I was diagnosed with bilateral avascular necrosis of the femoral condyles, and in the spring of 2006, I was tentatively diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, and am currently on methotrexate. Between these conditions and several other health problems that I'm not even going to touch on right now, I must say that I've gotten away from running and exercising in general! Over the years, I've tried off and on to get back in shape, but it's an uphill battle. I fight against exhaustion and fatigue. Sometimes after I work, I can sleep some 20 straight hours because I'm so exhausted. And I realize that the more I sleep, the more tired I feel, but it is hard for me to muster up the energy to be active.
My boyfriend is a physical therapist, and while we've only been together the past 5+ months or so, he's already set on getting me to be more active. Just tonight he said he was proud that I've been more active lately. He doesn't really think I should run, since I have the AVN of my knees. I had core decompression drilling in June of 2005, and my orthopedic said that I can do whatever I feel up to. He didn't say I should avoid running or any particular activity at all, actually! The fact of the matter is that I haven't been running much. The first year after the surgery was rough - I spent a lot of time on and off in physical therapy for various injuries. But at this point, my knees actually feel better than they have in years. I really feel like I've got new legs some days! haha...
Lately, I've been taking a lot of walks. I live in a small town outside of Philadelphia, and it's a really nice town to walk in. I have a typical path that I like to follow: cross my apartment complex, down into town, follow the main road through town out by the sports fields, walk around the fields and past the library, then cut up one of the roads back up a hill to my complex. I call this "my loop." I'd say it's probably a couple of miles, maybe? I don't actually know for sure! The hill at the end can be a bit formidable! When my bf and I go for walks together, sometimes I'm huffing and puffing as we go up the hill. We recently went walking in the rain, and I decided to run up the hill to get home more quickly. I was wearing flip flops and running on the sidewalk in the pouring rain, while my bf was cheering me on. Even though it was just a silly run in the rain, his encouragement actually got me to the top of that hill without stopping!
Today, Halloween, I decided to go for a run. I'm not exactly sure what motivated me... Some of my favorite bloggers have been writing about running as of late, and my bf is just starting training for a marathon next year. I often read that people are struggling to start running, and then once they've been doing it for about 6 months or so, they truly enjoy it and can't live without it. I also spent the entire day on the couch being a blob, and I just needed to do something active to give my day some meaning. I was on a cluster headache message board, and I read about how someone used a technique to block against the pain of his chronic migraine and cluster headaches. I have both of those conditions, and blocking pain is often very difficult. He was talking about how, in the absence of any treatment to provide relief, he focused a great deal on mindset and on keeping his mind off the pain. He said that he has found he can do a lot more once he learned to do this.
So I decided to try it! I went for a run around my loop. Granted, in the end, I only ran about 1/4 of the distance, but it was a start! What held me back was actually not physical pain at all. I was stopped by reflux (felt like I was going to puke after awhile!) and my breathing, as I tend to get asthma related to bad reflux and activity in the cold air. (OK I realize this is only my 2nd post and I sound like a 26 year old broken down disabled person, but in spite of all these things, I'm trying to turn my health around a bit!) If I could have gotten my breathing under better control, then I feel like I could have run much further, but the burning in my lungs and subsequent buildup of "crap" in my lungs kept stopping me! I had an upbeat song blasting on my ipod (Pink's "Who Knew"), and I just tried to keep going. My problem is that if I can hear my own breathing, then I end up having to stop running. It sounds nasty trying to breathe through so much junkiness!
Despite the difficulty breathing, I still feel like I made some progress. I asked my bf tonight if the breathing will get better the more I run, and he thinks that it will. I plan to go running again tomorrow, actually! I really want to get into the rhythm of it. I guess I feel like maybe today was the worst day - the first day - and the more I do it, the better it'll get. This has happened before with respect to exercise. Because of chronic fatigue/exhaustion connected to my health problems, it is very hard for me to exercise - I often feel like my energy level is somewhere stuck in the mud, but if I could get into some sort of daily pattern, then I feel like maybe it'll get easier! Even if I don't run every day, at least I'll try to take a walk, which was what I did in college, too. I have a pilates mat in the basement, and I may drag that out, too, to start doing the 20 minute sessions again!
Who knows, I may be turning over a new leaf! I truly hope I still have the motivation to run again tomorrow!
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